Disneyland – Where Dreams Come True (Not Exactly)

So you think Disneyland is where dreams come true, do you?  It’s okay to admit it – lots of NFL and NBA players do.  They tell all of America that’s the first place they’re going right after they win the championship!  Yes, Disneyland … the land of enchantment — home of Mickey and Goofy and the Seven Dwarves, along with Toone Town and Captain Jack.  Well don’t believe all the hype — disaster can strike at Disneyland.

Where else besides Disneyland can you go in America for just $69.95 for one day’s admission and see SEVEN, count ‘em (7) princesses?  People in Great Britain have to wait for a royal event and an off-chance a princess might be attending, and then

Crazy Perfume Lady Terrorizes Office Staff!

 

Chances are, if you’ve ever worked in an office, you’ve worked with the “crazy perfume lady.”  For the sake of saving keystrokes, we’ll just call her CPL.  This is appropriate anyway, because if you happen to work with her now, there’s a good chance everyone around her has a code word for her of some sort — or at least some sort of code talk for when she re-applies or spritzes, or aromatizes several times a day which typically could be enough “Eau de Pee-Yew” to fumigate an entire city block during a West Nile infestation.

CPLs are hard to understand.  I mean, I’m a woman and I don’t get them.  I get dressed in the morning, dry my hair, put on a little too much hairspray (I’m a member of a secret teasing comb society), then

Tired of Giving My Email and Phone Every Time I Shop!

When did it become necessary to give my email address every time I need to check out at a store?  Last week while at the mall I went to three different stores and by the time I left I felt like I was participating in the US Census survey!    Thank God it’s not a problem for me to say, “No,” to the cashiers, and if the rest of America would join me in doing so, the check-out lines would move alot faster!   But for some reason when cashiers ask at the time of check out, “May I have your phone number?”  Most customers don’t think twice before they recite all 10 digits back as if they are giving it to their best friend. 

        888-555-1234    shellitini@lifesalaugh.com

 Now trolling for phone numbers has been around for awhile, I’m no dummy. 

Are You the Elephant or Jackass in Your Relationship?

They say an elephant never forgets and I say a jackass never remembers … anything.  So wouldn’t you think that it’s good to be the elephant in a relationship and bad to be the jackass?  Well, I’ve given this some thought lately and I’m not so sure anymore. 

While it’s a very sensitive and caring quality to have a great memory and be very aware of your SO (significant other) or spouse’s comments or requests from earlier in the day, last week or even last year, it can be extremely annoying and even cold to never forget something “bad” your SO or spouse said at any point during your relationship and use that sharpened memory skill against him or her.  This is where elephants quickly become jackasses.  Read on to find out if you or your partner have any elephant or jackass qualities.  You might be very surprised!

 

Mother of Five – Not a Big Fan of Kids

Recently my boyfriend and I were having a discussion about children.  Now for some people I can see where that could be a difficult discussion, but for me – it’s all good.  You see, I am a widowed mother of five – their ages range from 16 to 26.  The issue that came up in our discussion that made him a little uncomfortable was discovering that I really don’t like kids. 

First off, let me begin by clearing the air – I really don’t even like calling him “boyfriend” – I mean, he’s 46 for God’s sake.  THAT clearly is not a boy.  Now my son who is 16 – he definitely falls into the “boyfriend” category – not mine of course, but that of his girlfriend Lauren, who I prefer to call “the elf,” but that’s a whole other story that is related to her twinkly eyes, pixie-like haircut, and curled up shoes.  But I digress …

So the other night when my “man friend” heard me say, “I don’t really even like kids,” I don’t know why he was so confused.  I can clearly recall at least two or three conversations we’ve had over the past year we’ve been together in which I’ve made this same statement.  For some reason I must have seemed more serious or genuine this time about my child-dislike – or perhaps it was the overall conversation that he found most disturbing.