Did you happen to catch the Miss USA pageant Sunday night — (check out the 50 lovlies slide show.) I missed it because I was trapped in internet hell while my wireless signal kept dropping me as I tried to beat the clock to post a “happy hour” article before a deadline. Let’s just say it wasn’t a very happy hour.
Meanwhile, for background noise, somehow our channel surfing stopped on Samuel L. Jackson’s classic “Snakes on a Plane.” I have just one question – what kind of drugs was the freak on who wrote that screenplay? What in the psychotic cobras! If you haven’t seen it, I can sum up the whole movie in three sentences. Someone wants to kill a certain passenger so he packs a box full of poisonous snakes and a bomb into the cargo hold on a 747. The bomb goes off mid-flight, which releasing the snakes throughout the entire jet as they attempt to terrorize and kill all the passengers (including Kenan from Kenan & Kel.) The worst snake murder is the couple who “gets it” while “doing it” in the lavoratory, naked. Sucks, huh? (Their death and the movie.) Anyway, for this — I missed Miss USA.
As a result, I was doubly disturbed that I missed the big brew-ha-ha over Miss California’s answer to her “big question,” not to mention the bathing suits, evening gowns and all the hype and chance to criticize 50 other women who I could only dream to be 1/100th as attractive as. Nonetheless, I did my homework Monday morning and found that Miss California, who comes from The Golden State, the bankrupt state, and most recently the state of turmoil over Proposition 8 — goofed up. Ironically, her question was about gay marriage – do you think that was fixed? I mean, she does live in California!
Think about the stress she must have been under with all that beauty queens have to go through. They have to be perfectly fit, primped, sprayed, fluffed and made-up. They have to worry about all those costume changes, tripping on stairs, getting caught in their dress when they turn and pose, and whether they’re in the top 10 or not. Then after all that, let’s say they sail through everything the entire evening and then at the moment of truth, Carrie Prejean of California finds herself trembling in her high heels as she’s faced with the worst question ever, asked by the worst judge ever – Perez Hilton, who happens to be the most hated celebrity gossip columnist and blogger, ever! Now that’s a bad day.
Here’s the quick overview of poor Carrie’s answer if you missed it: She thinks it’s great that people can choose if they want to have a same sex marriage, but in “…her country and in her family, she supports marriage between a man and a woman.” That answer spelled “Miss Runner-Up” for Miss California.
What happened next quickly relegated the Miss USA show to the Barnum and Bailey Circus. Miss Cali appeared on the Billy Bush radio show where she dropped another bombshell, telling America that her “sis” is a 2nd Lieutenant in the U.S. Airforce and she’s a gay right’s activist – but she’s not gay. Say, what? Billy was a little freaked out about this too. Then Perez Hilton (as if that’s his real name) appeared on Larry King ripping into poor little Miss Runner Up for not answering the question correctly – as he proceeded to give the exact words she should have used for her answer. Seriously – is our Miss USA supposed to be plastic, porcelain, AND not able to speak for herself? I am so confused. And what is a crazy hated celeb gossip queen blogger doing sitting on the judge’s panel of Miss USA, anyway? Was Liza Minelli not available?
But who am I to say? Had I not been riveted by, “Snakes On A Freaking Plane,” I’m sure I would have had an opinion about her answer, and at least offered up a groan, followed by something like, “Oh, that will cost her.” But that’s why we tune in to the pageants in the first place, right?
As for Perez Hilton – personally I didn’t even know he existed before the pageant, and after watching the Larry King clip, now I’m sorry he does. If he’s really the most hated celebrity gossip columnist and blogger, my guess is that he’s made an art of trashing celebs about everything from what kind of dog they have to how ugly their earrings are. Speaking of which – Miss Runner Up could have used a little better fashion advice – her earrings were pretty bad.
Xoxo Shellitini
© Shelli Netko
Life's a Laugh Blog 